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Captain Crack Cocaine

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Smoking Crack
A skaghead heading some damn good skag.
ThenextnexusAdded by Thenextnexus

Captain Crack Cocaine, eater of chicken and saviour of Boston, was a character famously played by Jonathon 'Of the Plundered Anus' Holmes and brought upon this world by Jim Sterling (pbuh) and Conrad Zimmerman.

Devised to save Boston's youth from the dangers of Skagheadism, his first message to the world was a viral campaign saying merely "Captain Crack Cocaine says don't be a pussy". This was seen by many to be a daring and controversial move, and many dissaproved, however the Mayor proclaimed it to be "actually pretty funny" and thus was allowed to be posted upon the town's many streets. 

He then proceded to tour across Boston, visiting the town's schools and orphanariums, teaching children of the evils of crack cocaine, heroin and more importantly the many numerous ways a good man can fall to the skaghead community. His unique method of discipline led to a minor scandal, mainly at the number of children being found starved and cold in nearby (and occasionally not nearby) woods, but Cpt. Cocaine's PR consultant Jimothy C. Sterling responded by saying "seriously guys, don't be a pussy".

The character was retired only a few years later after the children of Boston were deemed 'not at risk' from skagheads after the Great War of Boston, and a statue was built in every nearby KFC to honour the chicken eating chungus himself.

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