Freaky Constantina
New Podtoid creature
Creator Jim Sterling
Date Created 2nd January 2013
First Appearance Podtoid 234: The Foot-Clan's Poopy Ooze

Freaky Constantina is a persona of Jonathan Holmes (conceived by Jim Sterling), notable for being at the epicenter of spontaneous partying in everyday places. Wearing a mesh tank top and short shorts, Freaky Constantina was introduced in Podtoid 234.

Freaky Constantina's Library PartyEdit

One example of a Freaky Constantina party started with Jonathan Holmes, sitting quietly in a local library. Coming from a great distance (but growing in intensity), the song "Yeah" by Usher began to be heard when, suddenly, Shankley Masterson burst into the room with Lily Nelson and a group of "hustlers and gangstas" (recently released convicts, all). The latter of this group headed directly to Holmes to roughly strip him of his garments, revealing the mesh tank top and short shorts beneath and completing Holmes' transformation into Freaky Constantina. 

Armed with Cheetos (and probably hidden shanks in the form of sharpened pencils from the counter) the ex-cons would, "MAKE IT RAIN," whilst, "the happenin' be happenin'."

The party's infectious nature struck even the elderly librarian, who appeared in a skin-tight, gold lamé dress and began to grind against Freaky Constantina atop a table. The excitement then reached a fever-pitch, as shaken bottles of Diet Pepsi were poured over the pair.

At the conclusion of the first round of Usher music, which got progressively louder (do duh do duh do duh do duh YEEEEEAH YEEEEEAH), Lily Nelson performed his role as "Life of the Party" by speaking, "yo, motherfucker" into his Talk Boy, playing it back in fast-forward to the roaring approval of the hustlers.


Freaky Constantina has inspired members of the Podtoid community to produce music in tribute to the persona. "Podtoid: On Crack " (by David Reece, aka Synthetic Synesthesia) was created as alternative backing music for Freaky Constantina parties, due to concerns over the availability of Usher's "Yeah" for the purpose of indicating where the happenin' be happenin'. "Put On Your Mesh Tanktop " (by Echoside) is an expansion of a song Jim sang to Holmes, entreating him to adopt the role of Freaky Constantina.

Related PagesEdit

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