The Mesh Tank Top is a mysterious artifact of unknown origins, though may have been sung into existence by Jim Sterling. Worn only by Jonathan Holmes, renknowned philanthropist, doctor, and freaky dancer, it appears to have the innate ability to attract males. 

Mesh tank top

First ManifestationEdit

In a sudden burst of inspiration (and celebration of Jonathan Holmes being half way to 72), Jim Sterling begins singing to Jonathan Holmes, imploring him to 'put on his mesh tank top.' *

Excerpt from Podtoid 231 for historical documentation:

00:49:01; Jim Sterling: "Jonathan Holmes it is your birthday, put on your mesh tank top!"

It is then believed that, as a divine punishment for being a bad friend, Jim Sterling curses Jonathan Holmes with the Artifact until an unspecified time.

00:49:27; Jim Sterling: "You're just being a bad friend to me.."

00:49:29; Jonathan Holmes: "I am. I kind of am."

00:49:30; Jim Sterling: "And as punishment...You need to wear the mesh tank top!"

Jim Sterling then revises his original tune, instead choosing to embody Jonathan Holmes' visage through music in the classic "Jonny's Got The Body of a Spartan General."

*This is where SCIENCE believes Jim Sterling may have sang the mesh tank top into existence.

Second ManifestationEdit

See Freaky Constantina

Jonathan Holmes dons the artifact once more and transforms into the well known party-whore Freaky Constantina.

Science shows that, whenever in audible range of Usher's "Yeah!", Jonathan Holmes seems uncontrolably forced to don the Mesh Tank Top and begin such activities as Wake-and-Bake™, Smoking Marajuana Cigarettes, Dancing for convicted criminals (political or otherwise), riding Low Riders.

Further research is being conducted to discover the origin and potential power of this ancient device. 

Current Science FACTSEdit

  • Most likely sung into existence by Jim Sterling
  • Has mysterious attraction powers
  • Looks GREAT on Jonathan Holmes
  • Transformative properities
  • May be a curse or a blessing?
  • Rumoured to be weaved from the hair of Odin's beard
  • Is worth more than all of the Shire twice over.

Related PagesEdit

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