|The Christmas Nightmare Fluid Special|
|Podtoid episode 232|
|Release date||19 December, 2012|
|Running time||111 minutes|
|Featuring|| Jim Sterling|
Podtoid 232: The Christmas Nightmare Fluid Special is a New Podtoid episode released on 2012-12-20. It's the 2012 Christmas Special.
It's the Christmas special Podtoid! Join the gang as it discusses the nightmarish yuletide offerings of the California Raisins, the existential crisis that occurs when Jonathan becomes a mall Santa, and the REAL story of Jesus Christ, who spake his words unto thee!
Also, there's talk of Resident Evil 6's "disappointing" sales, controversy surrounding The War Z, and idiots talking rubbish about gaming's relationship to real-life violence. All this and more, only on a very Christmassy Podtoid! (Link to Dtoid Post)
The trio begins by talking about the fact that this episode is not the next episode. Holmes is a bit nervous about drinking next week but Jim think that's enough about that rubbish! Holmes and Jim begin talking about gaming merchandice and Jim mentions he wants the Play-Arts Solidus Snake figure that costs 200 Dollars. Holmes is reminicing about the Todd McFarlane toys based on Metal Gear Solid 2 from THIRTY YEARS AGO. Jim calls him a grand-dad and introduces us to the Christmas Special and sings Dreams Can Come True by Gabrielle.
Jim is retelling the Birth of Jesus where King Harodes is being mean and sexist and builds Noah's Ark. To keep the animals safe while building it he placed them inside an maternity ward. Joseph with the Technicolor Dreamcoat and Mary Queen of Scotts comes to an inn and tries to rest at the inn but the Innkeeper is being a rude bastard, so the couple head to the maternity ward instead and mistake it for a stable due to all the animals being in there. Mary snaps her legs open and Jasous pops out. The three wise men arrive at the maternity ward and gives Jebus each a copy of Sim City.
The Baby Jessie now says that in 30 years or so he's going to end up on the cross because of something Holmes will do, this is known as the Long Con, which is not to be confused with JonCon. The trio talks about how if the story of Baby Jonas were to happen today Bill O'Rielly and all the other Fox News people would be on Joseph and Mary's ass for being wellfare takers. Especially Mary since Joseph would totally leave her after she pops out a baby while being a virgin.
At this point Jim wants to give Holmes the honor of receiving. Jim then sings "Pee Piss Poo and Smelly Pissmas and a Crappy Poo Beer" because he's not homophobic like Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse. Holmes asks what's not funny about that game and Jim responds that everything is not funny about that game and teases the Top 10 Shitties Games of 2012 episode of The Jimquisition. Holmes talks about how it's interesting that people want to only hear about the worst stuff and not balance it out with some good stuff like Jim is doing.
Jim mentions that listeners were disappointed that the last episode wasn't all about Coffee, with it being the Coffee Special. The trio mentions some Great Coffee Moments in Videogames. They mention A Nightmare on Elm Street (NES), Deadly Premonition, Earthbound and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Jim thinks they should do a tribute to Great Coffee Moments in Videogames on another episode since this is the Christmas Special and not the Coffee Special. Jim then signs God Rest You Merry Gentlemen with Jonathan Holmes.
Holmes begins talking about the California Raisins Christmas Special, which is a Christmas Tradition for him that makes you feel like you were injected with Nightmare Fluid. He talks about hos it's interesting that shows like that can be so grim while being so family friendly at the same time. Jim compares to Final Fantasy IX which has more genocide than all the other Final Fantasies while being the cutest one. The trio talks about Vivi's grim fate at the end of the game for a little bit. Jim talks about the fact that Square-Enix has seemingly forgotten how to write sympathetic characters properly.
Conrad goes on a heartfelt talking-spree about It's A Wonderful Life, his most important Christmas movie. He talks about how the ending always gets him and that he's grateful that he's got great friends like the Podtoid crew and that he wants nothing more than Holmes to be injected with Nightmare Fluid through the Anus. Jim gives Holmes his Christmas Present; SEXUAL HARASSMENT!
Holmes talks a little about the fact that his aunt and uncle from Great Britain are basically Hobbits. Jim flirts a bit more with Holmes and Holmes likens him to the Coyote chasing the Road Runner. Jim tells Holmes that if he's gonna put his milshake in the yard, expect the boys to come 'around and various other variations of that sentence. Holmes treads the conversation into Jimquisition territory by talking about Jim's picks for Outstand Games of 2012 for a little bit.
The trio talks a little about the THQ Bankruptcy news and how it's not bad news, yet. Conrad clarifies what the bankruptcy actually means and Jim accepts Conrad's explanation. Jim then begins laughing, talking about Santa's in the Malls which Holmes mistakes for Centaurs in the Malls. Jim has this idea for Holmes to have a Christmas Grotto in Boston. Holmes would play the first beige Santa Clause. Jim would build a massive tower in the middle of Boston Mall called Beige Santa's Christmas Erection.
Outside the tower there would be photos of Holmes with speechbubbles saying "Hey Kids, scale my Erection!" as well as life-size cardboard naked Holmes winking and holding a puppy-dog over his genitals. On the puppy the words "A Puppy's 4 Life not just 4 Christmas" is spray-painted. And a profile-picture of Holmes kicking one leg up with a sig saying "Christmas.", there's also a bigger (15 feet tall) cardboard cutout where kids can enter the Grotto through by crawling between his legs (not pedophilia, he's covering his genitals) while "It is a Christmas." is written on his chest.
Conrad and Jim are dressed up as elves (they look like Tingle) saying "Hello-hallei! Welcome to Jonathan Holmes' Christmas Erection. Jonathan Holmes is Santa's real name, tell everybody!". They're giving out pamphlets of naked Holmes (covering his genitals) with the text "Jonathan Holmes is Santa, tell everybody!". The elves then leads the kids to a spiral-staircase with the words "In order to meet Father Christmas you must prove you are good of heart and stout of baring, n'yeeees. Jonathan Holmes is really Santa Clause, tell everyone!".
This is where Max Scoville and Hamza Aziz are chasing the kid with high-power fire-hoses, this is known as "The Trial" that the kid must endure to meet Jonathan Holmes, the Inventor of Christmas. All over the Erection there's also a text saying "Jesus isn't real, Jonathan Holmes is more or less Jesus.". When the kids finally reacht he top they meet Holmes dressed in Army Boots, an open Christmas Robe and a Bushy Beard.
Holmes greets the child; "Hello little child, I am Jonathan Holmes. The inventor of Christmas. Jesus isn't real, but I am! Tell me young child, do you see god in this room? Do you see me in this room? Now tell me who you believe in. Tell me! Give me the right answer, and you'll get a gift. Give me the wrong answer, and you leave, with nothing... SPEAK CHILD! DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, OR DO YOU BELIEVE IN ME!? DO YOU BELIEVE IN THAT OF WHICH YOU CAN SEE, OR DO YOU BELIEVE IN INFANTILE FANTASY! TELL ME CHILD! I'VE GOT A KNIFE! DO YOU BELIEVE IN FUCKING KNIVES!"
If the kid, at this point, answers that he believes in God, he leaves the Christmas Erection. If the kids answers that he believes in Jonathan Holmes, he gets a signed photo of Jonathan Holmes and then the kid leave with more than what the "real" God ever did for them. At noon at every day, Holmes will also fling the doors of the tower open and steps out in his robe, running down the stais yelling "THIS YEAR, CHRISTMAS WILL BE OURS!" while twirling a stick above his head yelling "FUCK Y'ALL!". At this point the Elves are announcing that it's time to raid the mall. This is the ending act of the Christmas Erection every day.
Jim then decides that he's sick of the War on Christmas being led by Iran, Atheists and the Ghost of Stalin. Jim wants to take back the reason for the season (Children pooping on Jonathan Holmes). Holmes diverts Jim's attention away from poop by talking about Resident Evil 6 not selling as well as Capcom had hoped. Jim talks about how he's sad Resident Evil 6 was not good game but he's hoping Capcom will take this as a sign of them taking the franchise in the wrong direction.
The trio takes the discussion into a more serious direction by talking about the massive shootings being blamed on videogames, including Dynasty Warriors, a game without guns. Conrad "goes all deep" when he feels disgusted about the fact that people protecting the second ammendment are attacking the first ammendment, as if they were valued differently. Jim calls every news-reporter that took a part in this attacking a Coward.
The Ghost of Commodore 64 invades the podcast for a little bit and Jim retells his playing of The War Z. Jim played the game for about two minutes before he was killed and told that his character would stay dead for four hours. He then created a new character on which he walked around, doing nothing, for fortyfive minutes before he was shot dead again. The game is full of lies and false advertisement and caused big controversy and has since been pulled from the Steam store.
Conrad talks a little about how he never understood the appeal of "realistic survival" in videogames since he finds it really boring. Jim admits that it's hard to reach a good balance of having the player feel underpowered while still giving them a reason to want to play the game. Jim then talks a little about the Free-2-Play market, comparing a good F2P game like Blacklight: Retribution to the minitransaction crap that is War Z despite being a game you have to pay for.
- Beige Santa's Christmas Erection
- Bill O'Rielly
- California Raisins Christmas Special
- Great Britain
- Music from Podtoid
- Nightmare Fluid
- The Birth of Jesus
- The Jimquisition
- Jim was afraid that his Jimquisition episode would ruin Christmas for one of the developers of the games he called shitty.
- Holmes thinks that some people loves Family Guy: Back to the Homophobiaverse. Jim thinks these are the same people that listen to New Podtoid.
- Every time that Holmes groans an Angel gets its wings.
- Jim says "It's Christmas" about 10 times this episode.
- Holmes did his Tim Curry impresonation this episode.
- Jim mentions both Jesus and God in this episode, implying that God isn't even real, yet he's been known to be both Jesus Christ and God. This minor plothole is most often overlooked for the sake of comedy.