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Afraid To Love or: Don't Pig Out
Road Rules 5: Northern Trail episode 009
RR5 Episode Header 000
Release date 09 March 1998
Running time 19 minutes 33 seconds
Featuring Jonathan Holmes
Roni Martin
Tara McDaniel
Dan Setzler
Noah Rickun
Anne Wharton
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Afraid To Love or: Don't Pig Out is a Road Rules 5: Northern Trail episode first aired on 1998-03-09.

The episode featured Jonathan Holmes, Roni Martin, Tara McDaniel, Dan Setzler, Noah Rickun and Anne Wharton.

Official DescriptionEdit

It's a gorgeous morning, and Tara and Anne are simply sitting on the sidewalk, soaking up some rays. Anne immediately starts to tease her pal, goading Tara to admit that she and Dan have fallen in love. But little T only smiles and giggles. Is that a yes?

Everyone piles into the Winnie, and Tara and Noah settle on the couch and slip into a serious discussion. Tara quietly confesses that she felt like an ass while in Rachel's presence. Noah reminds Tara "it's not your job to protect Rachel - that's Dan's job." And besides, Noah continues, you shouldn't feel bad, because nothing has "happened" between you and Dan. Tara confesses that she and Dan finally kissed - just before arriving in Minneapolis. Perfect timing.

The Roadies follow their clue to a feed mill where the proprietors, Barb and Mike, explain the next mission: you must care for three pigs for seven days and then safely transport them from Wisconsin to the Future Farmers of America in Michigan. Now come meet your babies! There they are, the little cuties! Look at them all cuddling in that cardboard box, lying on top of each other like... well, like pigs! It's all very Charlotte's Web. Noah reads an ID tag slung around the neck of one of the pigs: "Go to Noah's House." But Noah doesn't want pigs in his parent's palace - "they're dirty, smelly, and not Kosher - in more ways than one!" The kids gingerly place the piggies into the shower stall of the Winnie and roll on. With an oink, oink here and an oink, oink there...

Noah's place! Huge green lawn, nice house. Kind of reminds you of Dan's place. Mom, Dad, and brother Josh are in the driveway waving a warm greeting. After a round of hugs, Noah unloads the pigs and builds a little house for them in the garage. After a fabulous dinner, Noah, Daddy-o, and Josh each grab a guitar and it's time for a jam session. They've got it going on. Meanwhile...

Dan and Tara cuddle in a quiet corner of the living room. Dan wants a firm answer, "do you care about me?" Tara evades, "I care about a lot of people." After much beating around the bush, Tara confesses she was kind of thinking Dan could be her boyfriend: "I love the idea, but it scares me." Dan confirms, "you're afraid of commitment." Tara can only nod her head. Dan privately admits he's really into our girl, but confesses "she'll probably get rid of me in two weeks."

The next morning, the Roadies pack the pigs into the Winnie and bid Noah's parents farewell. They roll to Chicago, where they check into a swank hotel, but no pets are allowed. Dan reminds everyone, "we can't leave the pigs alone." Right, they might drive away in the Winnie. So how are we going to get them inside? Jon retrieves a luggage rack from the front desk, places the box of pigs on the lowest shelf, and then tosses a blanket over the whole mess. Going up? Into the elevator and into the room and... done deal! Anne transfers the little wilburs into the bathtub. How do you like your new home? Anne explains, "our pigs are like our children and we have to take care of them." Anne and Jon roll up their sleeves and get scrubbing. No, not the floors. They're giving the piggies a bath! And the critters are not happy. The squeals! You'd think they were being slaughtered. It's just a little Mr. Bubble, Wilbur... Now it's time for bed, but the pigs still won't shut up. Jon is nervous. If the hotel staff realize the pigs are in the hotel, if they "smell a smell or whiff a whiff, we're dead." Noah sneaks into the bathroom with his guitar and starts to strum and sing, "Old McDonald had a farm... " And before you know it, the children are snoring sweetly.

Later that night, Anne pulls Tara aside in the hallway for a little heart-to-heart. "I don't care what you say," whispers Anne, grinning, "you and Dan are falling for each other and neither of you will admit it! Falling, falling, falling!" Tara admits nothing, and moves out into the dark night on her own. She slowly walks through the quiet city streets, contemplating her choices. Dan is right behind her eyes. She takes a seat at a local café - the place is empty. She's thinking. What's it all about? Finally, Tara privately confesses, "I've been cheating myself. Dan and I are getting close, but I have been too cautious." Back at the hotel, Tara is sobbing on the pay phone. "Mom, he's my whole life right now." Commitment is frightening. Just ask Tara. Later that night, Dan and Tara sit quietly together in the window seat in their room. The city is at their feet. Dan asks, "are you going to break up with me?" Tara smiles and shakes her head.

The next morning, Dan and Tara wake in each other's arms. Dan whispers, "there are things I want to say to you, but I'm not going to say it all now." Tara reminds him not to say I love you, because "that's gross!" Dan and Tara giggle, and pull each other closer. Don't say it, live it!

The Roadies all hike to a local beach, where Dan and Tara immediately hit the water. They're wrapped in each other's arms as warm waves gently rock them into a state of bliss. Tara confesses, "I know that when I have sex again, it will be making love."

Pig week is over, and the Roadies motor to a large farm in Michigan, where they are greeted by a group of kids - the mythic Future Farmers of America!! The Rulers, with little reluctance, hand the pigs over to the excited pack of young boyz. The pigs squeal their good-byes as the Roadies cover their ears and wave farewell.

As the Roadies step back to the Winnie, Anne discovers a dead body under their back tire! It's a dummy - and a clue: "get me to the hospital STAT, Detroit Emergency Room." Looks like it's ER or bust!

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