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The Handjob Story

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Hanjob to Hell
The Motion Picture based on the event, poster by Tobbii Karlsson
The Handjob Story
(also known as The Worst Handjob Ever and The Handjob to Hell) was a story Jonathan Holmes told on Podtoid 200 about the worst Handjob he had ever experienced.

The HandjobEdit

This is a transcribed part of Podtoid 200.

"... She wanted to put on music, so I put on... She likes Soft-Jazz,  it was the only kind of music she liked, like Kenny G and Yanni and stuff like that. So I put it on the soft Jazz station.

And one thing led to another and before I knew it she is giving me like a really... The kind of, ehm, touch on th-the member as it were. Which is kind of like, ehm, grabbing a--ehh. A bottle and just shaking it, you know? She's just shaking my genitalia. Hard.

(Jim: Like a... Shaking it like a baby.)

Yeah-yeah, just like a... You know. Just an agressive maracca shake. And, in the background there's a song. Like, it's either from St. Elsewhere or Hill Stree Blues, b-but it's smooth-jazz and it goes... (Hums a tune) ...Just like the least passionate, like just going through the motions guys, just, we just have to do this in our lives. And it's--uehhu. It feels terrible. The handjob feels awful, but you can at least kind of work yourself up to like thinking 'Oh, a girl is actually wanting to touch my junk, maybe-maybe I'm a--aueureugh... A guy who's got sex in his life now, this is a sexy time.'

But when you have (Hums a tune) it's just aeh... There's no way either of you can think that any of ehm... None of us really wanted it to happen, we were both totally miserable. Then I think I just gave her a handjob or something and she went home. And ehm... Then she started to date, like, her dad."

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