Val Kilmer's Thanksgiving Showdown
Val Kilmer's Family Thanksgiving Showdown was an event planned by Jim Sterling taking place in Boston for the Thanksgiving season. It was discussed on episode 228.


The Showdown takes place in a giant theater in Boston, tomorrow. After having sold a flickload of tickets (20 Dollars to the Sterling Thanksgiving Foundation Charity) to people around Boston, Conrad Zimmerman and Jim walk out in Smart Suits on Stage and presents the show. Jim yells out to the crowd that they will indeed have a Very Special Guest towards the end of the evening. But until then they have an entire evening filled with amazing entertainment with Boston's favourite son... JONATHAN HOLMES!

Total Eclipse of the Jonathan HolmesEdit

Holmes walks out on stage and begins to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart", but with a twist, he's singing "Total Eclipse of the Jonathan Holmes". The backup band is a cassette tape that Jim is playing using a portable cassette player while Holmes is singing into a Kids Karaoke microphone. Jim yells out that "THAT WAS SO GOOD, HE'S GOING TO DO IT AGAIN!" and tells the audience to keep applauding while he rewinds the cassette. When he's done, Holmes sings once again, but this time he's standing on a box.

Holmes tells Jim that this is a bad show. Conrad agrees that he has a point, people might miss out on the prices if they leave early, so Conrad decides it's best to lock the doors or electrify the fence so the people can't leave. Jim explains that he has put industrial chains around the doors and also paid off the Fun Gestapo to guard the doors. Jim mentions they'll also have some Bikers guarding, probably the Outcasts since they can be paid off with drugs like Conrad points out.

Dog-Play Time + Jonathan Holmes meets the StarsEdit

Next up is "Dog-Play Time" which is 15 minutes of Holmes chasing a Dog on stage. Following this it's time for "Jonathan Holmes meets the Stars" where he interviews famous people (Jim and Conrad pretending to be U2). Holmes expresses surprise that U2 would be celebrating thanksgiving and Bono (Jim) explains that he is so thankful for everything. The Edge (Conrad) is also pretty thankful. Bono then wishes to touch upon the edge of Holmes' penis. The crowd goes WILD and wishes for Jonathan to return the favour by chanting "Bono give your tip to Jono!" so that Jonathan will in turn touch Bono's penis. The Edge (Conrad) comments that "Bono's knob is something we can all appreciate, it's universal". It is noted that the elation of the crowd has little to do with the Fun Gestapo or tazers. 

Prize TimeEdit

Holmes decides to take all responsibility and glory from the Val Kilmer's Family Thanksgiving Showdown and Jim decides to let him to do that. Then it's "Prize Time". Holmes is standing, pants around his ankles (underwear on) and wearing a Thomas the Tank-Engine sweater. He then yells out, as loud as he can; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY THEATER!" while shooting turkeys out of a cannon at the audience. All of this leading up to the main event...

The Main Event (The Celebrity Very Secret Guest)Edit

Jim introduces the main event; "You have witnessed singing, you have witnessed a dog, you have witnessed Holmes meeting the stars and now you are eating delicious turkey.". The audience can't imagine how it can possibly get any better. Jim tells them that they came here for Val Kilmer's Family Thanksgiving Showdown and that they're going to get Val Kilmer's Family Thanksgiving Showdown. Here he is, the Very Special Guest... JONATHAN HOLMES!

Holmes now step out wearing nothing but underpants (two sizes small), he holds his arms out to his side and just rotate for five minutes. Half-way through the second rotation, Jim and Conrad are in a taxi-cab heading out of Boston. They give the money to a man called Vaas that they feel they can trust. The audience does not need to worry since Jim did throw out tools to break out of the theater before he ran off. Holmes claims no one likes Val Kilmer and Conrad and Jim calls him out on him being wrong because The Dark Knight Rises. Ludo.


  • Jim and Conrad could not agree on the lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Jonathan Holmes, with Conrad wanting to drop "Jonathan" out of the chorus
  • Holmes sang "Something's gonna' fill me in the end of the night!" rather than "Together we can make it to the end of the night.".

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