The Aftermath of the War

The 2012 War of Independance (for Jonathan Holmes's Lawn)
was a fierce battle between Jonathan Holmes and his unnamed landlord, fought over the right of fellow patriots Max Scoville and Jim Sterling to move into the landlords apartment above Jonathan's, as well as ruin his back garden.

Chronology of EventsEdit

In March of 2012, the forces of Jonathan Holmes secured armaments (a letter opener) which they then used ingeniously and with tactile flanking manouvres to stab Jonathan Holmes's landlord in the neck. Thus concluded the War of Independance 2012.


The victors are then reported to have ruined the lawn on a weekly basis, with methods including digging with shovels, a failed attempt with a digger, a successful attempt with a steamroller (which they knew how to operate), populating the lawn with foxes and chickens with inevitable results, and Scoville's attempt to plant "Cat Trees" (by digging a hole, getting a bunch of cats from the pound, putting them in the hole, burying the cats, and then watching them screech as they crawl out of the Earth)

The captured land was later used as a zoo, a cinema, Pirate Cove, headquarters for a gay rights movement with unusual bouncer activities, and as a giant hamster cage for Jim Sterling to observe Jonathan Holmes in his semi natural habitat.